How to be Kedar

I don’t exactly understand how this works. I haven’t heard about anyone else having this.

So basically, if I am like half-asleep, I can compose amazing music in my head. Incredible music. Music that people would pay to hear. This morning, I tried to visualize certain mental pictures: first I visualized something like a lonely scientist (I guess that’s inspiration from Coldplay) and then the patches of a leopard’s skin.

So the lonely scientist music came out as something like very moving techno. The leopard’s skin music was like a rolling melody on the marimba. Suddenly, I turned to Indian music and juxaposed that with heavy rock guitars. I don’t like indian music. But with sweet amps it was just awesome.

Anyway, this is the weird part. So when this happens I have to be on the brink of falling asleep. I am still awake because I can feel my body, but my mind is half way between being asleep and being awake. Conditions have to be almost perfect. But if I move my body too much, I wake up completely and then the melody for the most part vanishes. So I tried to hum the main melody of the music, and thought maybe next time I could place a recorder on my cellphone. But it turns out that when I consciously move my mouth or hum, I wake up and the melody is gone. I tried desperately to just hum a part of that song, but it was completely out of tune. I tried to return to my dreams and replay that music. The music was also out of tune. I gave up.

I was so distraught this morning after hearing the lonely scientist music. See, after I heard it I was so impressed that I wanted to get it into FL studio (a music composing software). But when I woke up it was for the most part, gone. I remembered that there were only three or four notes rising in the main chorus, and that the back chorus was an arrangement of notes coming up then going down.

Anyway it did occur to me that maybe the music that I am hearing while I am sleeping isn’t as good as I imagine it to be. But it can’t be so. I have attention and control over what I am hearing and seeing. For instance, I am now able to remember many of the visualizations. The music that I am already familiar with, I remember (for instance, Paul Oakenfold and the Indian songs). The reason it is so difficult to remember the music I am composing is because when I am half-asleep it is as if the music in my mind is reverberating in my ears, but when I wake up the music returns as a quiet sound in my mind and all I hear is the silence of the room.

This being able to hear amazing music has happened in the past, at least a few occassions.

It seems like there is a part of my mind that is just naturally good at creating music. I believe that everybody has this ability. What is so wonderful is that the music goes completely with the visualizations I am having – the emotions, the colors, etc. When I started to hear music that I already know (which happened pretty frequently), I blocked that out and started to make my own music.

There is so much to the human mind that lays dormant in waking life but emerges in sleep. I have had lucid dreams. It is a life-changing experience. You are literally in the dream. It is like being completely awake in a fantasy land that you have complete control over.

In my first lucid dream several weeks ago, I was walking around my house, cleaning. When I touched my couch, I realized that it didn’t feel as if I was touching it. It suddenly dawned on me that I am in a lucid dream. Oh my God. Everything was absolutely real. I couldn’t believe it. I had already heard that in lucid dreams you can do anything you want. So I ran to the stairs and jumped through the tall window above my front door. I was flying.

For the rest of that day, I questioned whether I was really awake or if my waking life is just a dream.

I wish I could harness this creativity. If I want to see something, I can paint the most beautiful picture in my dreaming mind. If I want to write brilliant poetry (as I have once done in my sleep), it is possible. If I want to be part of an epic tale, that is also possible. I have many dreams as a child, incredibly epic tales. I can visualize them now.