Posts Tagged ‘bipolar’
being bipolar
I am severely bipolar. this became apparent half a year ago.
when I am on my high, I am extremely happy. I am on that high right now. I was dancing for a while.
being bipolar makes you exceptionally creative. that is because you are so sensitive to emotions – one tiny slip up can make you extremely sad or angry, and one gesture of kindness can bring feelings of religious bliss.
it is a curse and a gift.
when I am unhappy, I am really unhappy. unhappy to the point that I will burst out crying and throw things and yell at people and swear, and hurt myself and the people around me. I feel the most depraved emotions that any human can feel – extreme isolation, persistent suicidal thoughts, anger, pain, fear and anxiety.
when I am happy, I am really happy. I feel like I am president of the world. I feel like I am the richest man in the world. I feel like I am God. I feel the pleasure of a thousand orgasms. It is an unbelievable feeling that can only be explained religiously, because I am often in tears at just the beauty of all the things in the world.
of course I have been taking medication for many months now and all these things have dampered down. the thing is, while bipolar disorder comes with many caustic symptoms – depression, anxiety – it also brings indescribable joy and creativity. when I am happy, it is literally like being on drugs.
some of the greatest minds in the world were bipolar. but on the other hand, most of these greatest minds suffered for their work – committing suicide.
