How to be Kedar

yeah, I haven’t written for a while. I’ve been busy or putting it off for good reasons.

so I’ll catch myself up to speed. right now I’m under a lot of stress – school deadlines and stuff. I have a programming lab for computer architecture (lab 3, maybe the most difficult). I have to finish a lab report for tomorrow. that shouldn’t be too difficult… I could do that tomorrow morning or something. I have an economics project that is due on tuesday. come to think of it, I have all kinds of stuff due on tuesday – 351K and 339 homework that I haven’t started…

it looks like it’s going to be a tough week… but you know, it’s good to actually be keeping myself busy lately. I do feel sometimes that I’m going to collapse under all this stress, but I keep my head up high (at least, so far).

people who believe in God are more likely to live more positive lives. being skeptical, I feel robbed of that chance to be happy. and so this is my apology; my attempt to defend the idea that there is a God.

first of all, faith in God cannot be validated. It is based solely on one’s own personal hope. It is better to hope for something positive over something negative; while religion can be an anesthetic to the pain and suffering of life that we must face, religion is also the acceptance of this unwanted state, and the hope that this state will soon be over.

not being able to know the nature of God, it is unarguable whether or not there is a God. to make an argument is to contradict the fundamental reasoning that we can’t know. while it is more reasonable to admit that there is not a God based on empirical evidence and an absence of evidence, we can’t completely dismiss the idea there is some form of ‘God’. This ‘God’ may not be anthropomorphic, and this ‘God’ may not be the God of religious stories. What would this God be? This God could be the metaphorical processor that manipulates physical information. God could be all things collapsed into one simple, uninterpretable whole.

While God is not necessarily a person – God may be more characterized (morbidly perhaps) as a cold and calculating machine. While it may not be possible to appeal to this God or ask this God for help or forgiveness (God being an unmoving quality of nature), God can be a force that we can be thankful toward for good things, hopeful toward for the good things that the future will bear, forgiveness for the bad things of the past and the present, total acceptance for the fate of things. A relationship with this God is synonymous with a deep relationship with all things. It is to be this way toward all.

This God may not exist – it may be a human creation. But the idea is not to prove or disprove God. The idea is to reconnect with all things. We are not seperate – we are not individuals floating in absurd space. We are something. God reminds us that we are something. The idea of God is something that has always existed, even before ideas. It is as fundamental as the numbers.

This God is the God of the universal equation (which describes all physical relationships). This God is the God of causality – the agent of becoming that completes our state of mere being. This God is, most of all, that thing toward which we may be grateful. God is that split-personality within us that is always working to complete the whole. God is the feeling of peace and happiness that arises when all things are vibrant and life feels like life!

anyone can break the rules. that’s not impressive. what takes a lot of effort is changing the rules that everybody has to follow.

I moved into my apartment. and I’m awfully lonely

that it’s harder to start something than it is to keep it going.

when you maintain something, it will naturally grow. things are like flowers. if you give the flower what it needs, the flower will blossom on its own. you don’t need to worry about the flower blossoming – you just need to take care of the flower because that is the most that you can do.

if you maintain your love, your love will grow. if you maintain your hatred, your hatred will grow.

if you practice your skills, you will become better. if you exercise, you will become more fit.

the best way to invest in something is to maintain what you have, rather than to buy something to maintain. I think that’s a rule that you could go a long way……

I think the most important question that anybody can ask is this: who am I? And I ask this question of myself a lot, and I seldom get anywhere with it. I see now why I have this problem. I’ve identified so closely with an image that it is difficult to detach myself.

You are who you think you are. I read a quote by Robert Terwilliger – “A man finds his identity by identifying.” So, what do I want to identify with? That is the question.

Daisy, from The Great Gatsby

we crave many things. food, money, friends, sex. when you crave for something, you think about it. it sticks on your mind like a fly that you can’t shake off. you feel it. when you have a taste of it, you want more. the more you get, the more you want. its a never-ending cycle.

Craving is like a high maintenance girlfriend; you think the world of her, she doesn’t give back so you give more. she gives you a little and her give her a lot. she gives you nothing and you give her everything. she will never give you that thing you wanted the most – her love. she is using you. you know it – but you want to be her tool. that is her charm.

Craving will never give you what you want. you’ll chase after her. many people chase after her for most of their lives. she has nothing to offer. she’s like an empty chest buried under the ‘X’ on a treasure map. she’s all glamor – all gush and twinkle. she’s all in your mind – she is persuasion, the very idea that you are lacking and you are needing and you are desperately wanting… that is her essence.

What you need to see is that craving isn’t an enemy – it isn’t a sin. craving isn’t a mistake or a flaw. craving is just what it is, and you have to take it or leave it. make friends with craving. when you see her nearby, be amicable. but don’t ask or expect anything of her besides her company. don’t become her slave. keep your watch – she can easily take over your senses. she has a way of teasing you.

my advice – be on good terms with craving. don’t prematurely break up with her – she’s like a crazy ex-girlfriend. move on, but you know, talk to her from time to time.

it’s a solid way of getting happiness in return!